I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
