That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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