On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
