Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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