U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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