i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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