i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
