At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
