hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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