Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
