I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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