I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
