Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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