he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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