He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
