You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Pooping to opera.
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