Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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