I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
