I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
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My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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