Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
