i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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