i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I look better un-naked...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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