I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
