bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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