dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
