Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
