A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Oh god it's open bar.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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