adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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