come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
