i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
