i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Success! We fucked roommates!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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