My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
