You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
