Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
