I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
