God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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