I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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