I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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