farters have to be the big spoon...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize