And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Randomize
