I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
