I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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