I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
