I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
