He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Is Oprah even human
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
