suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize