We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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