So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
