3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
