i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
