I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
