I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Vodka?
Forever.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
