508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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