this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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