She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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