Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
People with herpes should wear stickers.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
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I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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