The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
