its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
