WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
My room smells like vodka and shame
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
