i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
